Sorting Through Emotional Intensity

When emotions run high, there are strategies that you can put in place to rebalance and sort through your goals.

Quite a number of the neurodivergent students that I have worked with were gifted. I learned that gifted individuals can become very passionate about ideas. Sometimes, they need support in working through the intensity of those feelings. 

Hiccups in life can cause extreme peaks and valleys in many neurodivergent individuals. I was reminded of this while reading a dog-eared page of SENG’s Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted. In one of the essays, Christine Fonseca writes:

Emotional Intensity refers to the passion gifted people feel daily. It also refers to the extreme highs and lows many gifted people experience through their lifetime, causing them to question their own mental stability from time to time.  

When goals don’t work as planned or plans move more slowly than expected, emotions can run high.  And, when emotions run high, there are strategies that we can put in place. 

If you are a person who experiences intense feelings around goal-setting, remember to:

• Learn your tipping point - this will help you stay calm if the situation continues

• Clearly identify the emotion - knowing the cause of the intensity helps with self-talk to deescalate

• Redirect your feelings before they become too intense

• Plan ahead about what to do when you feel overwhelmed

• Take a break to get back to your calm

• Focus on the positives in the moment. 

Fonseca also notes, “Intensity is not a bad thing in and of itself. Intensity is passion, the kind of passion we use to create.” And creativity brings joy to ourselves and those around us!

If you need help with goal-setting, coaching can help.

Puzzle Solving

When neurodivergent minds look at all elements of life as a puzzle to be solved, they open up possibilities.

I’ve always been drawn to puzzles. I work on many of them - jigsaw, sudoku, crosswords, and a good murder mystery novel. The most intriguing puzzle, though, is the human mind. 

I thought about the mind as a puzzle when I looked at the one dog-eared page of The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time.  The entire book is a mystery from the lens of a neurodivergent protagonist. This quote made me think:   

When I was little I didn’t understand about other people having minds. And they said I would always find this very difficult. But I don’t find this difficult now. Because I decided that it is a kind of puzzle, and if something is a puzzle there is always a way of solving it.

Neurodivergent minds often love the challenge of a puzzle because puzzles provide inherent executive function security when many other parts of life do not. Puzzles: 

• Evoke a sense of calm by offering predictability

• Clear up over-thinking by providing focus

• Possess clear rules and manageable steps

• Offer achievable goals

• Provide a sense of self-satisfaction when completed

When neurodivergent individuals look at all elements of life as a puzzle to be solved, they open up possibilities. The challenging parts of life become manageable.

You can attain your goals by taking the steps forward to solve your puzzle. If you need support solving the other puzzles in life, coaching can help.

“Maybe” - A Way Out of Rumination

Maybe there’s a different way to think about things.

Rumination can be harmful. I saw this regularly working in girls’ schools. 

Once something gets stuck in our heads we go down a narrow path and can’t see beyond the story we create. The story quickly becomes a false truth. 

If you start to ruminate, remember to widen your scope in order to see more clearly. Work at rewiring your own brain.

There is a Rewiring Toolbox in Kay & Shipman’s The Confidence Code for Girls, and one particular tool I’ve found helpful in coaching is creating a new, “maybe story.” 

Start every sentence with “maybe.” Even if the “maybe” is not the best explanation, even if the story is kind of silly, it works.

Flipping the switch to a slightly different way of looking at what’s bugging you will get you off the negative path. Basically, you are getting perspective, and thinking flexibly. 

When I see clients get stuck in their narratives, I direct them to create a maybe story.

• Maybe there’s a different way forward.

• Maybe I can take that risk. 

• Maybe I’ve completed more than I realize.

• Maybe I will get all that I hoped for. 

• Maybe I already know how to do it. 

Coaching helps you search through your “maybes” and get to your goals. It helps you stop fixating and focuses on problem-solving. It sets you in the right direction. Reach out if you need help in exploring the “maybes.” 

Why Traditional Productivity Advice Fails Neurodivergent Adults—and What to Try Instead

If you’ve ever tried to “just stay organized” or “use a planner” or “be more disciplined” and found yourself frustrated a week later, you’re in good company.

Many neurodivergent adults—whether ADHD, autistic, gifted, twice-exceptional, or simply wired differently—have spent years trying to fit into systems that were never designed with them in mind.

• It’s not a lack of intelligence.

• It’s not a lack of effort.

• It’s not a character flaw.

It’s a mismatch.

Let’s talk about why common productivity strategies fall short, and what can help instead.

1. Most tools assume you process information linearly

Many workplace systems follow a predictable workflow:

• prioritize

• plan

• break tasks into steps
  follow the plan

• But not everyone’s mind organizes information in a straight line.

• Some people think in layers.

• Some jump to the middle of a problem.

• Some work best after a burst of clarity or hyperfocus.
  Some need time to warm up before anything makes sense.

• When a system doesn’t match how you naturally think, it feels fragile.
  It works for a day or two, then collapses under its own structure.

2. Task initiation challenges are almost never solved by “trying harder”

One of the most misunderstood executive function skills is simply the ability to start.

You may feel:

• frozen at the beginning

• overwhelmed by the first step

• unsure where to begin

• flooded by too many ideas

• distracted by smaller tasks

This isn’t laziness. It’s a neurological pattern.

Strategies that honor how you start—rather than shame you for how you don’t—are far more effective.

3. Sensory load plays a much bigger role than most people realize

If you’ve ever lost momentum because:

• a sound irritated you

• a room felt too bright

• a conversation drained your energy

• a task required more emotional labor than expected

You’re not imagining it. Sensory overwhelm can interrupt executive function completely. Many traditional productivity systems ignore this reality.

Acknowledging sensory needs isn’t indulgent—it’s practical.

4. Feedback and instructions often come at a pace that doesn’t allow for clarity

Some neurodivergent adults take in information differently. If instructions are fast, vague, or layered, they become hard to retain.

• This isn’t a comprehension issue.

• It’s a processing issue.

The good news?
Better communication strategies can make the difference between constant confusion and genuine clarity.

5. Consistency is easier when the system is built around how you operate—not how others expect you to operate

It’s common for neurodivergent individuals to:

• start strong

• lose momentum

• feel discouraged

• start again

• repeat

This cycle isn’t a failure. It’s a signal that the tools aren’t supporting your natural rhythm.

When your system is:

• lighter

• clearer

• more flexible

• tailored to your energy

• designed around your patterns

Consistency becomes possible—sometimes for the first time. You don’t need more motivation. You need a better fit.

If you’ve been frustrated by organization, planning, communication, or follow-through, it may help to take a clearer look at where executive function shortfalls are showing up for you.

I created a simple guide that helps you reflect on these challenges without judgment and understand what might be getting in the way of your progress.

You can download it here: “Are Executive Function Shortfalls Shortchanging Your Career?”

It’s a gentle starting point for understanding what’s been hard—and where change is possible.