No Need to Compare
Many women are compelled to compare themselves to others, so it is important to remember that the only person you should compete with is yourself.
My little town just held its annual festa to celebrate our Italian heritage. We call the event The Big Time. It is a time when old friends and extended family come back to enjoy one another’s company, catch up on the happenings in each other’s lives, and recall fond memories of our past times together.
I decided to re-read Adriana Trigiani’s book about the celebration called “The Queen of the Big Time,” so I reached for my mother’s copy from the shelf. There were no turned down dog-ears like my books, but there was a neatly folded tissue between two pages that Mom commonly used as a book mark.
I opened to the page and as I read, these words jumped out at me:
“You don’t compete with other girls?”
“What good would that do? There is always someone more beautiful, more accomplished, and then someone backward, less intelligent. Why would I compare myself to anyone else?”
What mature and healthy thinking from the young heroine! For most women, it is difficult not to compare yourself to others, especially when you only see one another from time to time, or when you don’t really know the full story behind a brief exchange of words, or when you are feeling vulnerable. But, comparing yourself to others is simply not healthy.
It is hard to avoid comparison, but when you catch yourself beginning to do it, shift yourself into a more healthy line of thought. Aim to:
Do your favorite grounding exercise to stay in the moment
Get to the root of what is making you feel this way
Reframe your thoughts to your own uniqueness
Write out a list of all your achievements (both large and small) as a reminder of your value
Honestly decide if you truly want to make any personal changes or set any goals to better yourself
And, if so, set up those goals based upon your past experiences in order to make that change.
Remember, the only person you should compete with is yourself. Look back at who you have been, decide how you want to evolve, and set goals to make the changes you want to make based on that reflection. If you need assistance setting or reaching those goals, coaching can help.